3,000 Weeds and Unconditional Love

Reflections from the Garden

You don’t love because: you love despite; not for the virtues, but despite the faults. 

~William Faulkner

Although it’s not yet noon, I’m caked with sweat and dust. The mid-autumn sun is baking the not-so-frozen North with unseasonably high temps today, but that hasn’t kept me out of the garden. It’s time for fall cleanup and prep for next spring.

Looking back across my garden, I am pleased with the progress I’ve made over the last several weeks - pulling some 3000 cubic feet of grasses, thistles, and invasive clovers. Burr bushes still dot the landscape, rooted too deeply for me to pull by hand.

As often happens in the quiet of the garden, I find myself contemplative. The success of this garden has been limited. 98% of what grew were weeds. But, I harvested some zinnias, sunflowers, and irises. Some marigolds made it, as did the phlox and sedum. It wasn’t what I’d hoped for, but I recognize it’s reflective of the time I (didn’t) put into it.

I do love flowers - to me, they are a reminder to enjoy and celebrate the things that are beautiful, whether or not they last. That’s a piece of love that is hard. You can’t guarantee the permanence of the object of your affections.

My reflections wander further on this thought of love. Maybe Faulkner had it right when he wrote that “You don’t love because: you love despite….”

That’s the essence of unconditional love, isn’t it? That love does not rest on what you can gain from someone?

So, my love for gardening is not really demonstrated by the fact I grow flowers. It’s shown in that I continue to invest in the garden, despite the weeds.

This is why forgiveness is the epitome of love. It says, “I choose to continue to invest in you, pursue you, and believe in you, even though you have scorned me, hurt me, and done me wrong.” When I am tempted to see this as too extreme or dangerous a forgiveness, I can’t get past the cross. Jesus died for Judas’ sins, too, whether or not Judas could accept that.

That’s the same love Jesus extends to me. While I don’t think I’ve ever sold him out for thirty pieces of silver, goodness knows that I get scared, complacent, and angry. I needed my redemption paid for just like Judas.

It’s times that I see my great need for grace that I’m inspired to love better.

“But she never actually listens when you talk….”

“He’s a narcissist….”

“She’s disrespectful….”

“He’s betrayed me….”

Nail it to the cross, then get back to me.

The reason we might love someone in the first place is not because they’re a “good person.” It’s because God loved us first, and calls us to represent him to the world. His love is not based on our merit, but his character. He does not us for our victories, but despite our faults. He calls us to a higher standard out of love, sanctifying us and molding us into the image of Christ. He doesn’t destroy us, but his kindness calls us to repentance.

This is part of my beef with the deconstruction movement. While they claim their ethic is love, they show no love for the church. They tear down the church because of its faults, not build it up despite them.

Clearly, where there is sin in the church, it should be cut out. Abusers should not be in power. Discipline should be maintained. Integrity is crucial. But, we can’t destroy God’s flock because of the wolves in the fold. Take out the wolves. Build better fences.

When there are weeds in my garden, I pull them out. If necessary, I’ll pull out the flowers, too. But I won’t destroy my garden because weeds exist - I’ll replant with better measures of protection. Deconstruction with no reconstruction is just destruction.

I understand this is a call to a higher standard - one that I live out so poorly, most days. But love like that can change a life.

To love the kids in my ministry, even when they are so rambunctious they drive us up the wall.

To love my family, even when they are a lot for me.

To love my friends, even when I don’t understand them.

I don’t love them because they’re calm, easy, or exactly like me (who’s not calm or easy, either). I love them because I’m trying to look more like the man on the cross, who knows me fully and loved me anyway.

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Thanks for spending some time with me reflecting today! As always, my hope is that you grow in love for God and others through my writing. I know these thoughts have already challenged my actions this week - maybe they’ll stick with you guys, too.

Let me know what you think!

Until next time, drink a glass of sweet tea, read the Psalms, and count your blessings.

Faithfully,

Katie Stacey

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